Getting people to buy stuff they don't need with the money they don't have.

Hello Clients, Account executives,

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Garbage in – Garbage out. How hard is it to understand that? Clients, why not tell us the REAL date of your product launch, how can it be 1st of next month when you are yet to start operations in this city? When you are yet to hire a team? Why not tell us who you are actually targeting at? How can your TG be everyone from Parvathy R. Kutty, part time teacher, mother of two, wife of Insurance seller from Vanandurai to nineteen year old NIFtian, aspiring bridal lingerie designer from GK? Huh?
And Account Executives/Managers could you speak up please? When I say speak up, I don't mean you asking us for 7 headline options or asking the client for money [which you do very well, and yes of course this is why you and I are around], but while you are at it, can you not tell the client, 3 campaigns by tomorrow evening is not possible. That google images isn't his property, that one more bullet point and the ad will burst. That the consumer doesn't give a dang about his vision? And, and could you please write a brief? It's important, non?

n.b. this is my 100th post. quite a feat, considering my attention span.

Never trust a guy who draws a pyramid, and thank God for outlook express.

Hello yellow-blue-red-floral-striped tie wearing, crass joke cracking, evil laughter laughing Client Man,

In all honesty, I would rather not see you again. Having said that I will now tell you what a obnoxious [now I know what it means] man you are. And without much ado, or pretty sentence formations, let me just bullet your horrid traits that I observed during our 2 hour meeting this afternoon.

While discussing a certain headline that required us to emphasize the joys of living high up in a high-rise, you said 'oh my God, ask me how it feels to be at the top, they say it's lonely, they are right'. We [I and the team] did little but nod, not because we agreed but because we were appalled. You are delusional, and I sugarcoat.

Looking at our blank faces, you might have thought, we didn't quite get the whole 'lonely at the top' bit. So, you went on to borrow one of our writing pads and a pen, and drew a pyramid. And then you shaded top of the pyramid, and with that horrible content smile, said 'yes I have reached here, and I know the feeling'. Phew! We were already one hour into the meeting, and no, the concerned work wasn't discussed even once. 60 minutes later, all we understood was, you were at the top and you were lonely.

And then your phone rings, you answer it, instead of excusing yourself out of the room, you talk at your loudest inside the conference room. You inquire about a certain woman, you also describe her – her body type, her complexion, hairdo and then that horrible laugh again. I could tell, it was some sick joke. You go on for the next 9 minutes.

Finally when you are done, and finally when we are about to discuss work, you crack a joke. About your body type, which is pumpkin. Just in case you missed the look on our faces again, no we weren't interested. Not. The. Tiny. Bit. Shocking I know. But no, we were not interested.

If you remember correctly, the work was discussed in less than 17 minutes. An email would have done nicely. Thank God for emails.