CC: See? See?!!!

I have been working for years. Long enough to figure out most things corporate, I mean things as corporate as it can be in an advertising agency. Okay, before I proceed, there are a few facts you need to know about my work life - I am yet to own a formal white shirt or a blue or a grey one. I haven’t ever worn a formal trouser in my life – no not even for the interviews. I’d like to believe I am way to cool for office politics, but I guess in reality I am just plain lazy, let’s just say it’s not my thing. Also, I do not suck up to people. And, I’d like to believe I am super hard-working – like – boy! Can she work and I am easy to work with and I am kind of funny [I sure hope this is for real and not bordering on the ‘I’d like to believe’ space]... Now, onto the things that need work: I cannot do PPTs - I don’t know the basic stuff (hush hush okay?). And I am not proactive, I will explain this one, while I am not the one to miss deadlines, or shy away from speaking in meetings, I am the kind that would not be up and ready to gather people and start something fun on a slow Friday afternoon. I am not the one who would walk up to the HR and help plan for a workshop. I am not the one to raise my hand to ‘so who wants to volunteer to paint the workplace in wacky colours’. I am also not the one to actively participate in Terrific Thursdays or Fantastic Fridays. Of course often I just go with it and do it anyways, but doing anyway isn’t exactly proactive. And that pretty much sums up my work life personality type.

Not quite. I have been CC ignorant. Shocking, I know.

Turns out I’ve forever belittled CC. Oh yeah! How dare I, right? After having been educated by a good colleague of CC’s not so hidden powers, I feel cheated. How could I have not seen it? How could I have not known CC screams See? See?
See? See? I worked late
See? See? I worked over the weekend
See? See? I did the work that I wasn’t supposed to
See? See? I helped the work-shy over-paid colleague
See? See? I did the whole ppt content in a word doc, she just jazzed it up
See? See? I have contact in the right places
See? See? I have been doing my job
See? See? I have been doing much more than my job
See? See? I am no naïve dumbbell who doesn’t know the rules of the outlook jungle.
CC: here I come.  

Today I renounce my shame. Today I come undone.

I read self-help and how to books, blogs and inspiration quotes on pinterest. I read them to seek help and benefit from them.

I read them to be better, to be less miserable. I read them between deliverables. Sometimes after meetings; meetings in which I had so much to say, but couldn’t; meetings where I tried a tad too hard. 
I read them after my friends update their vacation albums on facebook. I read it to understand myself better, to understand my roommate better. I read for a promising future and to comprehend the past. I read to unlearn what I grew up thinking was right, I read to learn the new right. I read them to be a better judge of right and wrong. I read to stop judging at all. I read to make sense of the world. I read to loosen up to the world. I read to accept and love myself the way I am. I read to be the woman I want to be.

I am a work in progress.

so long and thanks for all the rain, breeze, buffaloes, friends, fiery pickles, boulders, osmania cookies and yeah fish too.

Before I begin my tales of the new, I figured it would be only right to say the goodbyes to a city I had began to love.
First few months, rather the first year in Hyderabad was more forgettable than anything else. Well, apart from the view [about the view in a bit] from the best house I have ever lived in [that too for a steal]. The food – spicy, fiery, succulent, moist, robust – all at once. Yeah, and unimaginably cheap too. Water buffaloes. The no-traffic traffic. The then airport was thisclose. The rains. That year, it always rained. The weather was great. Not forgettable.
Onto the view. We were living in a small 2BHK penthouse portion of a big house [the landlord lived there with his family]. We had a huge terrace plus another roof-top terrace. 14 floors above the ground, with a view of a water body and bathing water buffaloes. It was splendid. It was particularly pretty during Diwali, Sankranti [imagine kites in all colors scooping the sky and then getting lost in the grey-orange sky], and every morning and evening.

Then we moved to another part of the city, the part where the well-heeled dwelled. We found our little space. I enjoyed part of the affluence that came free – beautiful roads, gardens and parks. The boulders. And oh my goodness, what boulders they were. They could come to life any moment and begin a war. A war that would protect you from all evils of the world. The sights and the sounds – bungalows built in between monster boulders, humming birds, pretty blooms in either sides of the streets. This is where neighbors became friends. Friends you would like to keep and meet. Long after you stopped being neighbors.
And those that came at a price gave me as much joy as spending money possibly could – quaint all-wood coffee shops. Grocery stores that I had previously read about, selling fruits, vegetables, spices and condiments, which I thought only Nigella had access to. Cake shop housed in a bungalow that wasn’t a shop at all, it was more like a cupcake gallery. Though currencies were involved, buying cakes sounds obscene. Brownie appreciation is more like it.

And as i reminisce, i need to snap back to all that's now, our things have arrived. there's work to be done. now is here.

nb. on unpacking my oven, i found an ant, surviving the 7-day journey on crumbs. plenty of crumbs. and i took the liberty to imagine the ant looked sad.

the first day jitters and blushes

no-haggle ride to first day at work: hundred and ten bucks.

hurried breakfast-on-the go: 60 bucks

casual yet formal ethnic wear from anokhi for that first impression: 1600 bucks

dkny watch to add just the right amount of chicness: 10000 bucks

last minute tea to calm the edgy nerves: 6 bucks

being mistaken for an intern: priceless

of goodbyes, bookmarks, a d-drive and untimely tears

this monday was my last day at work in my now previous organization. the incredible amount of work made sure, the day-long nostalgia was skipped, so was the oh-my-goodness-i-can't-believe-i-am-going/ oh-remember-the-nights-out-for-that-campaign conversations. which was, i think both good and bad. there were no all-engulfing emotions, it was just another day. nothing that i will think about, misty eyed. but i'll sure miss the place. i will miss the spectacular view from one of our office corners. the view of the lake and at night, the gorgeous lights around it. the lunch place, the particular chair that i would often sit on. the door to the conference room, the one in which i always entered fifteen minutes late. i will miss my colleagues. the constant banter. the really creative nicknames that we have had (hush, hush).

and while i was still working and chasing a deadline, goodbyes and good-lucks were being said, all of a sudden, the thought that my files and folders in my d-drive won't be mine anymore hit me. i looked at the bookmarks [collected over the years], links that i consider a true treasure trove. and i was suddenly very, very sad. i was feeling sick. tears were involved. out of nowhere there were ample D-drive-triggered tears. hey there psychoanalyst so what do these D-drive-triggered tears say about me and my emotions or the lack of it?

yes, bookmarks made me cry. so did yellow folders in my d-drive. they are like yellow rooms, don't you think? get inside, and you will find some are clumsy, while some all neat and structured. some unopened for months. and some empty.

all you need is love and some quotes maybe

via pinterest

okay so i have traversed this path before - the what to blog, the how often to blog, the demands and rigors of a blog, and often have pushed myself to write only when i can think of something fun for my target audience [3? 4? readers out there.], and then i went back into the dungeon with the convenient excuses to myself - too busy, writers block, yada yada yada.
none of that anymore, i am guessing i could risk ;-) losing few of my many readers with my spontaneous random thoughts :D, huh?

yes i have been feeling a bit lackluster when it comes to blogging, or waking for that matter. i will begin with the writing, waking shall follow, or so i hope.

via pinterest

 for today, i would like to leave you with a few wise words, words that i am discovering to be true, words that are making sense to me right now -


“my life didn't please me, so I created my life.”
- coco chanel


“to be in hell is to drift; to be in heaven is to steer.”
- george bernard shaw


"one day your life will flash before your eyes, make sure it's worth watching."
- source unknown


"we become what we want to be by constantly being what we want to become each day. "
- richard g scott


from an unknown source,
"i wish i couldn't feel a damn thing."
don't we all?


and finally
"let it be."

 

A case of sense of humor and shapely legs

via http://iamblessed.tumblr.com

“oh he makes me laugh!” seriously? Is this why we women fall in love. Can it really be this simple, guiltless, beautiful and devoid of motives? Julia Roberts says it, so does my yet to be married friend about her colleague/fling/crush. Will a guy mind if he discovered his lady picked him for his body? Hasn't he worked so hard, for that very thing?
Is 'oh he has a great sense of humor' our way to euphemize our real motives? Sure, money plays a huge role too, but because that wouldn't let me post pictures of the above gentleman, I have steered clear of getting into that topic. Money doesn't make for a pretty picture, does it?

However, men are unapologetic about their selection procedure. I will of course not get into the nuances of their selection procedure, but the fact that they aren't bashful about it, is something we could learn from them.  

I will leave you with something to chew on, Scarlett Johanson left Ryan Reynold for no one particular, so perhaps that whole humor thing is not a sham after all?