adult supervision for adults

There’s a little corner in our house where the living room ends and the kitchen begins. Behind a wooden mantle of sorts, and a little away from where the refrigerator is. This is one of his favourite peekaboo spots.

He stood there, looking at me, tears rolling down his face. He walked away slowly, and grabbed the first toy he found lying.

We had just gotten back from his 18-month vaccinations, and he was pretend cooking with real pots and pans. And kicking the ball alternately, with the talking tom talking at his loudest. I turned off tom. He screamed. And then made a dash for the kitchen to pick up pots more than half his body weight. I wouldn’t allow that, could I. Then the baby did what babies do. He yelled and sat on the floor, yelled some more. Then a grownup did what grownups shouldn’t be doing. I screamed back and picked him up and got him out of the kitchen.

He quietly walked to his spot, not to peekaboo. He looked at me, sad, tears rolling down his eyes.  

     

Hugs and kisses followed. So did tears and guilt.  

Why doesn't the toughest job in the world pay in currency?

At around 1 o’clock this afternoon I was crying. With my 9-month-old son on my lap, hugging him, I cried as I watched Rachel get off the plane to be with Ross. And then I cried some more hugging him even harder as the door to Monica’s apartment closed one last time. It was Friends’ series finale, which I possibly was watching for the, I’m not sure, 14^th time? I was crying hard now and my son, for a moment looked at me, worried and possibly sad. He did. 

I am getting back to work this monday. A first monday in over 9 months.

He will be fine for those few hours that I will be away. With two extremely eager grandmothers taking turns to be with him, our house help who absolutely adores him and of course the father who is way more than just hands-on. He will be more than fine. I won’t. And I am not.

I worry if he will miss me. What if he doesn't? If he will be angry when I get back home. What if he stops doing those things that he only does with me. I am told 9 months is just about the right time. Old enough to need my constant attention but young enough to not understand my few hours' absence all that much. I am not too sure about that. I feel he gets it.

Monday is 48 hours away.